Guest Post by Rob, on Happiness
It's an amazing feeling when what you write inspires someone else to write. This happened to me a little while ago, after posting "on health, happiness, and healing," and the result is the following guest post, written by a good friend, Robert Medina. If you would like to reach Rob, feel free to comment below, or send a message to him through the contact form on the home page!
Thoughts on happiness:
I see happiness peddled and advertised in many forms on the television every day. I don’t read magazines like Vogue or Maxim but if I did, I would see many more offers to get happiness there too. But happiness isn’t advertised like a cheeseburger or a perfume. It’s advertised as something that someone else has that you can’t get. Examples I see most often are chiseled abs, a thigh gap, and a car slightly newer (or significantly so in my case) than your current one, to name a few. The idea is that nobody wants to lose the 30 pounds they’ve put on since college, nobody can expand the width of their pelvis and pull their femurs further apart, and very few people are buying a new car just because it was advertised on TV. In reality, TV marketing (and the news (ensue multipage off-tangent rant)) is there to upset your status quo. Most people would be content having put on a few pounds if the constant badgering from Nutrisystem and Tae Bo classes with Billy Blanks weren’t screaming at you to look better and feel sexier. You spend half the day being told to feel bad about your newly-realized pudgy and unsexy body.
Another unhappiness crisis that is quickly becoming realized is coming from social media. We just look at other people’s lives and are told about all the things we are missing out on. That person just got a new high-paying job. This person my age just got married (there’s that sting of being reminded I’m still being single, much less thinking about a wedding). My friend just finished his 7th marathon (I’ve been getting out of shape…). This guy went to an awesome EDM concert with a bunch of attractive-looking friends (I don’t even go to concerts, why am I all of the sudden feeling bad about watching The Office in my PJ’s instead??). This has been creating an epidemic of dissatisfaction with our own lives and a wave of loneliness and FOMO so pronounced that England recently appointed a Minister of Loneliness to address the issue. The problem is we see only the highlights of other people’s lives. Nobody is posting on Instagram some leftover pancakes they ate for lunch at their desk job. Nobody is changing their Facebook profile status from single to recently rejected by their current crush.
The best analogy to explain this phenomenon is from a little blog that I can’t find anymore. The jist of it goes like this: Looking at other people’s lives is like watching the highlight reel from this week’s baseball games. We see the home runs, the triples, the amazing displays of athleticism and defying the odds. What we don’t see are the long, uneventful innings, the fouls and missed opportunities, and the bad calls from umpires that nobody cared to contest. This is much like hearing about our single friend having an exciting one-night stand and a young couple’s exciting weekend getaway to the Rocky’s. We aren’t going to hear about our bachelor’s restless night drinking alone because his friends bailed on him. We aren’t going to hear about that boyfriend threatening to dump his girlfriend if she doesn’t lose weight.
According to social media and modern marketing, our life needs to be constantly fulfilling, exciting, sexy, and in control at all times. We all know deep down that we are definitely not in control of everything, going to our 8-5 job is certainly not usually too exciting, and sometimes (most of the time) a weekend where we clean the apartment is much more satisfying than clubbing and attending concerts with laser shows. Have you become happier with your own life now that you can see everyone else’s highlight reel?
Personally, I subscribe to the belief that attaining constant happiness shouldn’t be our goal in life. Happiness is that bubbly, rainbows and unicorns, sunshine sensation that happens at the end of Hallmark movies. Do you get that when you have finished your first full marathon? How about after hiking a 14,000 foot mountain for the first time? What about after a mother has given birth to a healthy new child? Obviously these situations usually end up with you being very exhausted, covered in your own sweat and bodily fluids (referring to the marathon), and are usually extremely painful (sorry Mom). But often events like these are remembered as some of the most satisfying and rewarding parts of people’s lives. This idea is represented in a very touching/comical posting by The Oatmeal that I think of now and again.
When you put things in perspective, our best memories are of events that made us feel accomplished. Satisfaction and contentment should really be our goal for attaining whatever happiness is. As for you, whatever thing may bring you satisfaction is yours alone to seek. It doesn’t have to be what made your friend or a celebrity look happy on Instagram. It just needs to be important to you. Do yourself a favor and maybe tune out the highlight reel for a while. Or forever.
Thanks for reading.
Thoughts on happiness:
I see happiness peddled and advertised in many forms on the television every day. I don’t read magazines like Vogue or Maxim but if I did, I would see many more offers to get happiness there too. But happiness isn’t advertised like a cheeseburger or a perfume. It’s advertised as something that someone else has that you can’t get. Examples I see most often are chiseled abs, a thigh gap, and a car slightly newer (or significantly so in my case) than your current one, to name a few. The idea is that nobody wants to lose the 30 pounds they’ve put on since college, nobody can expand the width of their pelvis and pull their femurs further apart, and very few people are buying a new car just because it was advertised on TV. In reality, TV marketing (and the news (ensue multipage off-tangent rant)) is there to upset your status quo. Most people would be content having put on a few pounds if the constant badgering from Nutrisystem and Tae Bo classes with Billy Blanks weren’t screaming at you to look better and feel sexier. You spend half the day being told to feel bad about your newly-realized pudgy and unsexy body.
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| From Comics About Happiness |
The best analogy to explain this phenomenon is from a little blog that I can’t find anymore. The jist of it goes like this: Looking at other people’s lives is like watching the highlight reel from this week’s baseball games. We see the home runs, the triples, the amazing displays of athleticism and defying the odds. What we don’t see are the long, uneventful innings, the fouls and missed opportunities, and the bad calls from umpires that nobody cared to contest. This is much like hearing about our single friend having an exciting one-night stand and a young couple’s exciting weekend getaway to the Rocky’s. We aren’t going to hear about our bachelor’s restless night drinking alone because his friends bailed on him. We aren’t going to hear about that boyfriend threatening to dump his girlfriend if she doesn’t lose weight.
According to social media and modern marketing, our life needs to be constantly fulfilling, exciting, sexy, and in control at all times. We all know deep down that we are definitely not in control of everything, going to our 8-5 job is certainly not usually too exciting, and sometimes (most of the time) a weekend where we clean the apartment is much more satisfying than clubbing and attending concerts with laser shows. Have you become happier with your own life now that you can see everyone else’s highlight reel?
Personally, I subscribe to the belief that attaining constant happiness shouldn’t be our goal in life. Happiness is that bubbly, rainbows and unicorns, sunshine sensation that happens at the end of Hallmark movies. Do you get that when you have finished your first full marathon? How about after hiking a 14,000 foot mountain for the first time? What about after a mother has given birth to a healthy new child? Obviously these situations usually end up with you being very exhausted, covered in your own sweat and bodily fluids (referring to the marathon), and are usually extremely painful (sorry Mom). But often events like these are remembered as some of the most satisfying and rewarding parts of people’s lives. This idea is represented in a very touching/comical posting by The Oatmeal that I think of now and again.
When you put things in perspective, our best memories are of events that made us feel accomplished. Satisfaction and contentment should really be our goal for attaining whatever happiness is. As for you, whatever thing may bring you satisfaction is yours alone to seek. It doesn’t have to be what made your friend or a celebrity look happy on Instagram. It just needs to be important to you. Do yourself a favor and maybe tune out the highlight reel for a while. Or forever.
Thanks for reading.
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| from the video "Happiness? I Made It Myself" |
So much truth here.
ReplyDeleteMaybe there are many definitions of happiness. Or, maybe happiness for many bbn is actually pleasure, which is temporary, fleeting, and addictive.
ReplyDeleteWhat we really seek is deeper: joy, meaning, and connection.